bury me deep in the arms of the Father

You swallow me whole in the deepest of deeps


I can already tell that this year is going to be full of trials. In positives and negatives. I think this summer prepared me a lot for understanding God and finding him again. But I have this feeling that this year is going to keep pressing me to find him more and more. I think my core is going to be wrenched and wrangled and I am going to be left with little to offer.

For the past three years, devotions and I have been considered foreign land. In Africa, I realized how much I need daily interaction with the father to just sit and be with him. So when I got back, I bought My Utmost for His Highest. Small daily devotions, small baby steps. I was actually reading them every day, until about 2 weeks ago. I am about 2 weeks behind. I've been struggling so much with why I am here and with going back to South Africa and where I will be in a few months. To the point where it's become something I can't get through. I was catching up on some of the daily devotions tonight and I realized that if I had been keeping up, a lot of my struggles would have been addressed in devotion.

Not saying, I wouldn't have struggled but I could have been more prepared for what I was going to be dealing with this week.

In the secret place
I am safe
you keep me
silent screaming
loud silence
it is what it is

there is a dwelling place
where only you can
find the broken
the deepest
darkest
kind of
broken

hear this and know
the secret place
is where he wants
you to listen

through melodies and rhythms
through wind and waves
through every crevice of dwelling

listen to his grace

spelunking and the beach

I mean, We could go spelunking? someday

It's ten pm on a friday night. What do you do? five people, 5 bikes and one bike light.

Bethany and I decided to pre-journey to the guys house, more specifically because beth has to return madagascar in which she borrowed from nick. On our way to the guys house we realize we may very well be fined for not having a bike light, so our next possible solution. The house we are about to arrive at has very resourceful and very adventurous boys. Therefore, headlamps. Yes. HEADLAMPS.

Now, as beth is on the search for them in the house, i am left with a few guys and explaining how recently I've come to accept that headlamps might possibly be the greatest invention ever made. They were shocked by my statement, seeing as how it's right up there with food, nutella, and water. Anyways, I was explaining that years ago i'd never be caught dead with one and I will proudly wear one.

2 minutes later bethany walks down with 2 headlamps. On of which is a minimal normal one and the other, is this intense clunky one.

What does bethany do, she hands me the clunky one. I now want to eat my words. And specify that the small non-clunky headlamps are the greatest adventure ever made. This one in my hand is an atrocity.

But not, i've committed, I must bear through it.

My mom told us we looked like aliens, beth and i think we look amazing.

Bike Ride

Now back to the actually journey. Jake, Jessi, Beth, Becca, and I biked to the beach headlamps, flashlights, and all. Jessi has this basket on her bike, we brought along a volleyball too! Everything was running smoothly until we get to Superior and PCH. There is this hill that goes on for about 2 blocks and it goes straight down and it curves. And you get this momentum that is kind of unstoppable and it never fails there is always a red light at the end of the hill. And there was. Luckily we all stopped and the green light happens, one second... jake, becca, bethany, sam, GO! two second. Red light. I'm in the middle of an intersection with 6 lanes of traffic about to come after me and Jessi stuck at the red light. The five of us stop at circle k. Jessi doesn't realize where we go. We see her thinking she saw us. We turn around she is no where to be found. she is in the abyss of darkness. She was alone and away from the pack. We get a phone call, she was on her way to the ocean. We congregate once again. Head to the beach and to the park.

We play some volleyball. Then the police start patrolling the beach. We run. We Hide. I hide on a slide. Bethany sees me and hides on top of me. yes on top of me. why. Because apparently there was no where else to hide. The police leave, ashley shows up.

WE play more volleyball on the beach.. did i mention it's dark outside. Bad idea. The police show up again. We run AGAIN this time, we are spotted. The police watch us intently. We leave. On the biking trail again.

We take a different route. Awful. It was gradually uphill the hole time. We then decide to get donuts at about midnight. We chose the donut store with 4 police surrounding the place. Brilliant. WE got donuts and a free show. All entertaining on a friday night on newport blvd.

We finally get home and decide to go to the pool. It's too cold for that and decide on the spa. After the spa, I fall on my bed. My sheets are not on my bed and I'm in my swimsuit. I don't know how it happened but I woke up 4 hours later.. Still passed out, in my swimsuit and still no sheets on my bed.