Filling the void.

Communication is hard,

source: il lee

in any situation really. Some people are worse at it than others. I am great about calling people out when there communication sucks. But when it comes to me, I act like I am perfect at it. It's probably the stubbornness in me.  I'm a real jackass when it comes to being critiqued. Truthfully, I really suck at communicating. Something about it is exhausting and I find myself shutting down when I have to communicate in different situations. I just act like nothing is happening or someone isn't talking to me.  More so recently than in other times.

Long distance is hard.  Although, I'm quite biased, my situation is worse than others. (I'm much luckier than others too.) 
Long distance communication is even harder.
Especially when there is a disconnect and finding ways to connect proves to be harder than the day before and the day before that. Where you find yourself spinning and spinning into a black-hole. You start losing sight of what really matters, vision becomes foggy and anything that happened before just gets pushed aside. You just kind of forget it all and bury yourself even deeper into the void.

When people begin asking questions.  Sometimes a blank stare and shrug is all that can be mustered. Because maybe actually talking to somebody about it could actually be worse, depending on what day it is and how you're feeling for that day. Which most days you rarely feel a thing. 

I know how this sounds, this sounds awful. And it actually is. This is a constant battle. 

Then the question arises. 

Why are we doing this? 

Then there are other days where you meet a complete stranger. Where you have to start from the beginning. Where the beginning begins putting the fight back in to you. Where Divine appointment results in prayer and encouragement. When you feel at your emptiest only to remember that the beginning started with Divine appointment. 

The fight continues. 

filling the void, when there is no form.