decision making no matter the consequence

I just spent the last thirty minutes reading ee cummings. fantastic. 

I have overall wasted my day (went to a doctor apt., went to my one class, did nothing, watched defiance, went to coffee with will). I planned on going to the gym at three separate times today, and did not. slacker status. 

But, getting to the gritty. 

During chapel, i was listening to Marketa speak about believing God loves everyone but not truly believing He loves you. Which was actually refreshing to hear someone else think the same thing. 

With my ADD brain, I started thinking about Entourage and Africa and my frustrations.  I asked God to close a door and he didn't. I finally told God, I am making a decision right now and I am aware that may not have either of those after it is all said and done. I decided I would confirm my Improv invitation for Entourage and talk to Outreach about SOS and most likely pull my application. 

I specifically told God, when I go to outreach and you have a problem with this decision bite my tongue and I will reevaluate my plan, no questions asked. I set my meeting up and to my surprise Outreach was totally understanding and extended my downpayment and support letters until the first week of February. Outreach said they understood and would call Callie (head of Entourage) and have her speed up the process of deciding who is on the team.  

I was on Cloud 9. I made a decision knowing that I could have nothing and to my surprise have lost nothing, so far at least. Josh from Outreach then proceeded to tell me the exciting news. He found out where I would be going and I am so exciting. (that is if i don't get entourage) A team of four will be going to Mutarara, Mozambique and it has no European influence. Josh was telling me that this place is so hardcore and that they've never sent a team out like this before. We pretty much have nothing. We would be living in tents/huts for 2 months and live in a tribe of village people. I mean stereotypical authentic Africa. 

You have no idea how grateful i am to be able to have either experience. 

I also talked to my mother today and she for once actually laughed when I mentioned both possible experiences. The passed two days have been a release.