DON'T Calculate without God

 See what happens. [Try it.] 
Disclaimer: This approach is not recommended. Expected symptoms may occur. If you find yourself feeling under the weather, stagnant or feel like your world is crashing down on you. Please stop immediately and being proper treatment.

Probably the wisest words I've heard today, good ol Oswald Chambers. 

 But that is what we do every day, we calculate without Him. Even the Christians who follow through with the daily routine of the religion of Christ. 

To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with the vision and the reality of my next step... or even a future step. After some panic attacks and such later I came to the conclusion-- not seeing vision scares me.  Reality, I feel that I can handle it, but then it swoops under my feet. Although I feel like have a grasp, it hits me that there is more to what my reality entails. It is laced with vision. So when the two don't connect,  when they are not synced with each other, I find I'm losing ground. 

(feel free to challenge this if you see fit, I'm all over the place these days)

In my lifegroup, we have to constantly remind each other what our daily is supposed to look like. It's not supposed to look like normal or even abnormal. It is where God places us; but it is where God also calculates us. 

Without His vision, we have lost our reality.

I present to you a passage. This passage has been taken for granted. I for one have heard this my entire life and never once found comfort in it.  But today the words hang differently. Soak each stanza in and feel what it does. 

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

 ¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 

Pause. 

 ² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
       he leads me beside quiet waters, 

Pause. 

 ³ he restores my soul.
       He guides me in paths of righteousness
       for his name's sake. 

Pause.

 ⁴ Even though I walk
       through the valley of the shadow of death, ^[a]

Pause. 

       I will fear no evil,
       for you are with me;

Pause. 

       your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me. 

Pause. 

 ⁵ You prepare a table before me
       in the presence of my enemies.
       You anoint my head with oil;
       my cup overflows. 

Pause. 

 ⁶ Surely goodness and love will follow me
       all the days of my life,

Pause.
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
       forever.

Pause. 

Find peace, find vision. Let your reality be calculated through the Father. Even on the small dailies, tasks that are not included in the religion of Christ but instead, with a relationship with Christ. 

Taken at a funeral in Mozambique 2009. I was so enthralled with my surroundings that I had to take snap a couple of photographs in the field. Here is one.

bury me deep in the arms of the Father

You swallow me whole in the deepest of deeps


I can already tell that this year is going to be full of trials. In positives and negatives. I think this summer prepared me a lot for understanding God and finding him again. But I have this feeling that this year is going to keep pressing me to find him more and more. I think my core is going to be wrenched and wrangled and I am going to be left with little to offer.

For the past three years, devotions and I have been considered foreign land. In Africa, I realized how much I need daily interaction with the father to just sit and be with him. So when I got back, I bought My Utmost for His Highest. Small daily devotions, small baby steps. I was actually reading them every day, until about 2 weeks ago. I am about 2 weeks behind. I've been struggling so much with why I am here and with going back to South Africa and where I will be in a few months. To the point where it's become something I can't get through. I was catching up on some of the daily devotions tonight and I realized that if I had been keeping up, a lot of my struggles would have been addressed in devotion.

Not saying, I wouldn't have struggled but I could have been more prepared for what I was going to be dealing with this week.

In the secret place
I am safe
you keep me
silent screaming
loud silence
it is what it is

there is a dwelling place
where only you can
find the broken
the deepest
darkest
kind of
broken

hear this and know
the secret place
is where he wants
you to listen

through melodies and rhythms
through wind and waves
through every crevice of dwelling

listen to his grace