a list

Mainly because I can't seem to focus my brain on one single subject at the moment, I'm going to make a list. Then you will semi-understand that I think I am going insane,

Note to self, write this down. Map out + brand your blog future. 

side note: create another new blog that fits the purpose to write freely and creatively. 

To visit the United States or not? 

A prayer: Jesus clear my mind. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to dream or not dream in my slumber but just give me clear focus that isn't hazy from irrational notions of fear and paranoia. 

Maybe I should take a technology fast for a bit. Or maybe it should just be a pinterest fast. I miss the days of creating without there being a shadow of someone else being exactly like you. Or someone saying, Oh yeah I say that on pinterest. 

To move or not to move? 

Is thinking about buying a house even a good idea. 

I miss having a 9-5 job. I hated having a 9-5 job. In general, I miss having a job. 

It would be really awesome to have a house that's community based and Jesus-centered. Plus, have a community garden and some chickens. 

Note to self: Read up on Pinterest how to garden. 

Are my thoughts normal? 

I'd love to photograph people more. I'm afraid of people. 

Maybe, I should learn how to drive again. Meh, another day. 

I miss sandy toes and the ocean's waves.

I should make a happy list. 

I wish I created more. 

I just forgot my next thought. 

thinking

still thinking

it's gone 

Maybe I should go work out. 

No, I'll let the french toast I just finished settle. 

I wish Jayde was here. 

His job sucks. 

Maybe I should consider grad school again...

The list actually continues but writing down all my thoughts is kind of exhausting. 

Am I having a nervous breakdown? 

Lists: I Miss

Oh hi folks,

Today I woke up in the strangest mood. I felt very out of place, out of sorts. I felt like an alien in my own bed, my own home, my own office. Later, I became a giddy school girl singing 90s pop music to my roommate. Just giggling. Dancing, doing dishes and singing Destiny's Child Say My Name. Who am I right now? 

I am in a missing mood right now. 

>>> I miss holding a book in my hand and tucking my self away and getting lost in a story or devouring theology and trying to make my little brain understand such big concepts. I miss turning pages. 

>>> I miss taking pictures of things I like. Like family dinners and my friend's smiling faces. White-toothed children, Skies--African skies at that. Roadtrips and random people I don't know but think they would have a great story to tell.  

>>> I miss writing things I actually care about. Character development. Fiction. Truth. A simple word that leads to a beautiful slew of imagination. I

>>> I miss my boyfriend. Distance and time is against us. I miss being able to wake up knowing he would be there. 

>>>I miss adventure. I feel so tame at the moment. I miss where midnight was a time to go out and explore, go to a 24-hour diner, drink coffee until the wee hours of the morning, then wake up in the morning like I am not sleep deprived. 

The list goes on....

Cheers to being an adult, may we never forget what we enjoy and never forget to make time to do it. 

With Love, 

Samantha e. May