"I'm a big girl now, see my big girl shoes."

Learning to be a proactive self-starter. 

After many committal issues and failed attempts to actually apply for big girl jobs... I've decided it's time to stop. 

Who knows, I'm probably not meant for the 9-5 but I'm more than what I'm doing now. I'm always scared and I'm always failing. Why not fail at something that could lead me in the right direction. 

My friend and soon-to-be roommate and I have discussed this multiple times. "Sam, what do you even want to do."

I sit there and pause. 

"Well, that's a great question, Mallory. One that I don't know how to answer." 

My smartypants remarks about "something creative with a purpose" or "embracing the mystery of life," seem to be taking it's toll. 

Yes, I want to have the "Semper Reformanda" mindset but is that mentality for my life right now being open to God or is it just because I'm afraid and it sets me up to always have the right answer. Kind of confusing but it makes sense in my head. 

"Semper Reformanda" is a phrase I learned in an awful "Christian Heritage" Course that I almost walked out of every time I sat down. Another story for another time but in looser terms it means, "always changing" or "always reforming." 

It dawned on me that I'm on the road to 24, young still but by then I will be graduated for 3 years. And what have I been doing?

I've had a lot of fun. 

But I've accumulated a lot of baggage.

I've been so blessed by provision but as an adult, I guess that's what most would call me, I've been rather selfish and scraping to get by. 

Since I've been back, I've managed to increase my living expenses. 

Community living has taken it's toll and turned me into an introverted craver. I get my own room now all inclusive with a bigger bed.

I get a new car, all inclusive with a bigger engine that likes to guzzle gas. 

And my very own boyfriend that takes a lot of money too. 

Rereading this phrase makes it sounds like I pay him. I don't pay him. He just lives 10,000 miles away. 

Go big or go home, eh ?

Bring it on. 

It's time to be proactive and create. 

sam may create is now open for business, folks. 

stay tuned. 

//edit//God bless my momma, leave it at that. That's all you need to know.

banner inspired by "Overboard"- Ingrid Michaelson

so frustrated I could scream

(pos) my computer is fixed. New screen, new mouse, new keyboard

(neg) my computer was wiped of all it's programs and information for no reason.

(neg) my "o" key hates me. 

(pos/neg) it only cost me $500 to fix as opposed to $1000.

I miss my broken computer. 

I'm not sure if that's the right  way to phrase this, but it's all I have for now. 

FML. 

"Reading this makes my literary heart hurt,"

says Bryan Dormaier, a PDX friend. 

The other day I was skimming through pinterest as I do so frequently. Thank you Lucia; you've created a monster. 

On the upside, I do find quite a few fun finds and if I don't find a way to have this in my possession "I just might die" kind of things.  

I used to edit for the school newspaper, I was an editorial intern for a local magazine once and I am the annoying friend that will correct your grammar/spelling. 

Sometimes, it is difficult to tell because I make so many errors in my blog. It is because I rarely ever proof read my own stuff. This is bad, I know. 

But I'm great at proof reading everyone else's material. 

This pinterest was a perfect find and this weekend proved worthy to become a post. 

Source: etsy.com via Samantha on Pinterest

A dear friend of mine... Well,  her spelling is subpar to put it nicely. 

I corrected her grammar publicly via Facebook and her fiance decided to chime in on the fun. 

 

I might have to gouge my eyes out. 

Adaptable music

Country Music obsession? Yes please. 

About a year ago, my best friend and I realized we love Taylor Swift. Not really sure why, but it's just something about the cuteness of her songs and the fact that you want to dance around in your underwear, put on lipstick and grab the kitchen spoons as a glamorous microphone and just belt it out.

And most likely acting out the motions while picturing the very exact thing is happening to you. 

I mean... that's just an assumption. It's not like you or I actually do those kinds of things, right? 

Good, now that we have that clear. 

Back to Taylor Swift. My best friend over the last few months has been obsessively playing T.Swift with the exception of the last month because she got some new stuff. Anyways, she was in the car with a friend and she brings up T.Swift and the person was like, "You have a crush don't you." 

She pauses. 

"I guess I do." 

And laughs and continues to play the song. 

We were discussing this the other day and giggling about it. 

Occasionally, we do have our girly moments. 

After that I had to tell her that for the last two months the only thing playing on my radio is country music and the random CDs that are in my car when there are commercials.

I wonder what the means? 

Given, I love country music and grew up listening to it but this is out of control. 

Country and Death Cab for Cutie. 

I mean it could be worse. I could bring back some Underoath and the Agony Scene. 

Oi Vey.