more of you, less of this.

I can't help but think something is brewing.  Our desires are stirring and this world knows there is something more. We want peace. Our soul won't rest until there is change.

This is a hope that I continue to hold on. If I don't, I find that I've lost a motive to keep going.  Have you noticed how when everyone seems to get on board with something. Bandwagon or whatever it may be, it becomes tainted. Whether from the cynics or from the root of a potential shift. Something always goes wrong. My hope is that someday, change won't become tainted. No ulterior motives. It is what it is and it becomes beautiful. The journey becomes worthwhile.  We begin fighting for the garden of Eden rather than fighting for a more extensive hell.

one year

happy one year to me! Thanks to all the people who forced this to happen. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 

Who would have thought I could keep someone around this long. I mean the distance probably helps. "Just a little bit' said in a Bethany Lomas British accent. We celebrated with Skype. Me about to pass out from exhaustion and him euphoric from pulling an all-nighter working through the night. Oh the joys.

Thank you Jason Hardy for stalking us. 

Dying of a broken heart

I've been contemplating the heart lately. Contemplating the soul. What that looks like. What that means.

 Then even more in depth,  when you throw love in the mix. What that is supposed to feel like.  And most importantly, be like. Because I've been learning that love is more than just an adjective it is a verb. It is a call to action amongst whatever love comes in contact with or whom.

I heard a story in the office today, a woman's father-in-law passed away last week. Then she got news a week later that her mother-in-law passed as well. The cause of death, a broken heart. During that week she would explain that her chest hurt but nothing was causing the pain. Nothing medically proven that is.

She died of a broken heart. I've heard stories like this before.  I've read stories about it. Even in science journals. It is trended that it occurs mostly in women.

The Heart

Mayo Clinic's definition:

Broken heart syndrome is a temporary heart condition brought on by stressful situations, such as the death of a loved one. People with broken heart syndrome may have sudden chest pain or think they're having a heart attack. These broken heart syndrome symptoms may be brought on by the heart's reaction to a surge of stress hormones. In broken heart syndrome, a part of your heart temporarily enlarges and doesn't pump well, while the remainder of the heart functions normally or with even more forceful contractions. . .

The symptoms of broken heart syndrome are treatable, and the condition usually reverses itself in about a week.

The heart is an interesting thing. It's function is more than just a mechanical to the way the body works. It pumps blood but it is the root of life.  So when we look at the idea of someone dying of a broken heart we see this.

Source: nike53.bilddagboken.se via Karin on Pinterest

 The point is the heart has taken an action derived by love. Whether lost or present. But if the heart is more than just a function of pumping blood what else is it attached to?  It is attached your soul. Our soul is who we are and that directly relates to what we do. One without the other seems to be, from what I understand, impossible.

For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Proverbs 2:10

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:29

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Psalm 84:2

Source: myrevelment.com via Samantha on Pinterest

When it comes to love and what that looks like, I've had a hard time differentiating a lot especially in my relationship with God. I've never had to share him before. Maybe my usage is wrong in this case but that's how I feel. Especially the more vulnerable I become with another. I find my thoughts go to this man that I love and feel guilty. Because words I might think about God have now poured over to how I feel about a person.  "I am my beloveds' and he is mine."  It is confusing for me. Through time, I find I've started neglecting God and that's something I've never want to do. But love with another is a good thing. Read Song of Solomon, there is beauty in that and God created that for me.

Source: etsy.com via Samantha on Pinterest

I have been processing this thought for almost a year now. It's been an emotional struggle. And I begin to understand why some people commit their lives to celibacy-- to never lose site of the one who gave it all. But God knew that wasn't for everyone because we long relationship. We long to love. I long to love.

Source: etsy.com via Samantha on Pinterest

Some wait their entire lives to find the closest thing to that. Some never find it. The important thing is love but love who you encounter as we are taught to love. We are taught to love with our whole heart. Thinking like that is when I begin to understand how someone could die of a broken heart because they loved with everything they had. 

extended vacation

Okay, not really a vacation anymore.  I'm trying to find some balance. Hopefully this weekend I will get back in the swing of things and actually give a worthwhile update. My brain is completely fried. In the last 7 days I've crammed so much from computer programs to publishing schedules...

In the meantime, I have been slightly productive. Trying to work on some new stuff.  I'm trying to find the balance of my nights and I'm failing. It's so strange only having a few hours to myself a day. To all the parents out there, I know you feel no remorse for my situation. I'm adjusting.

I wrote a post a while back with the lyrics from Sleeping at last. I decided to design the lyrics with some of my photography.

Starting Fresh

March: I can't believe it is March. We are almost 25% through the year. It was just January. 

Life is ever-changing.  Good things, of course. Moments that are constantly keeping me on my toes. I feel like I've experiences three dramatic seasons already. Every month is different. 

January---I was finishing up the busy season of nannying and my retail job and awaiting the boyfriend's arrival. Where the first week we had some lovely beach days and approached colder weather. I dragged him to the midwest.   

February--- The Boy and I wrapped up our midwest tours and spent the rest of the month in California exploring garden's, watching movies, attempting painting and basking in glorious beach days. We also discovered that we are the old married couple type. Then we had to say goodbye. 

LEAP YEAR. LEAP DAY. Starting of a new job. 

March--- I guess this makes me a grown up now. I now have a M-F, 8-5 job. Who am I right? My weekends are my haven. My first weekend was glorious. I slept in, lounged around and made some jewelry. While Sunday I spent all day at the beach and found my dress for Lor's wedding in September. 

This was the most uneventful post but give my some slack. 


On a completely opposing note.

Take a look at some of the pictures I took for the Give Prints Spring Tee's